K-Mart's mom challenges Cuban to public debate

By Jonathan Mortimer Anthony-Simon

DALLAS- Lydia Moore, the mother of Denver Nuggets forward Kenyon Martin, has challenged Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban to a public debate. Moore's public invitation comes in response to Cuban's actions following his team's playoff game against Dallas, when he told Moore that her son was a “thug.”

At her Tuesday press conference, Moore said that she was not amused by Cuban's comments. “Mr. Cuban holds a position of high public regard. His callow and self-serving remarks are unbefitting of his lofty social status, and reflect an unconscionable disregard for customary social graces. More colloquially, he needs a lesson in manners.”

[RIGHT- Cuban fails at social interaction.]

Moore bemoaned the waning standards of social interaction, and blamed Cuban's advocacy of Web 2.0 for society's diminished conversational skill. She said that she longed for a return to the time of erudite commentator William F. Buckley, who championed propriety in social ethics. She went on to cite Barry Goldwater's The Conscience of a Conservative as a formative book in her life, one that established the guiding principles of independence and self-sufficiency. She added that, “Mr. Cuban's crude behavior impugns his own credibility, and simultaneously undermines my capability to constructively and positively influence my son.”

Moore believes that a debate would provide, “a public forum that would extricate Mr. Cuban from the technological social filter that has apparently retarded his convivial maturation.”

[LEFT- Moore at Buckley's 2008 funeral.]

Martin was similarly dismayed by Cuban's remarks.

“Mr. Cuban's brash accusations of petty thuggery undermine and besmirch the integrity of my family's lineage,” added Martin, visibly emotional over concern for his mother. “I participate in the game of basketball for the furtherance of the greater glory of the National Basketball Association, my esteemed teammates, and our patrons. If my style of play verges on overzealousness, it is exclusively for the furtherance of these interests.”

“Mmm-Hmm. That boy think he slick, but what he done ain't right,” said Ms. Moore's attorney, Percy P. Heffernan, esq., of Heffernan, Heffernan, Heffernan, and Putz. “He think that he goin play her, but what he ain't know is that my girl L ain't the one to fuck with.”

Cuban has so far offered no response to Moore, but his supporters say that he is unlikely to agree to any face-to-face interaction with Moore, due to his preference for communicating exclusively through Blackberry and blog posts. When asked about Cuban's preference for digital communication, Moore called the tendency, “shallow and pedantic.”

At that point, Moore called an end to the press conference to sip orange drank and chain smoke menthol cigarettes.