Tuesday, July 24, 2012


Unbalanced, Once-Famous Starlet Agrees to Become Judge on Floundering Televised Singing Competition
A Press Release Template for the Annual Revolving Door of Reality Judges

HOLLYWOOD- Kevin Goldsmith, President of a [major television network], announced today that the network had reached an agreement with [the pop diva] to become a judge on its [reality singing show]. Goldsmith said he believes that, “everyone deserves a second-chance,” and that he feels that the troubled star has put her checkered past behind her.

The multiplatinum singer did not appear at the press conference, but she briefly addressed reporters through a conference call, telling them that she was excited for the opportunity to work with such a popular franchise. “Yay! I am so thrilled to be joining [the show]!” she told reporters during her brief remarks. She did not confirm that [her predecessor] would be leaving the show to star in a remake of [a popular 1980s romantic comedy], but observers felt that the newest addition to the panel meant that the writing was on the wall.
[The singer's] 2010 mugshot after a DUI arrest.
All charges were dropped.

The singer’s representatives said that the show will offer her a chance at redemption after several years of professional missteps. In 2009, she had a well-publicized meltdown in a hotel lobby that caused many of her fans to question her psychological well-being. In 2010, she had to cancel a leg of her European tour due to exhaustion and dehydration, though many journalists speculated that she may have been dealing with a drug problem behind the scenes.

Nonetheless, the partnership could be a launching pad for both parties. [The show], which used to enjoy blockbuster ratings, saw its market share dip substantially last season after the departure of two of its long-time hosts. With more competition than ever, producers felt they had to make a splash. The addition of [the fiery diva] will certainly make headlines, but it remains to be seen whether she will have the on-air chemistry with the other judges that will draw viewers to the show.

[The show] will not be [the singer’s] first foray into reality television. Many viewers will remember the star’s short-lived foray into the genre that followed her during the lead-up to her wedding to [egocentric professional athlete]. The show suffered through abysmal ratings, and was canceled after the engagement broke off months before the couple exchanged nuptials.

Many of the diva’s most ardent fans were thrilled with the news that she would be joining the show in the fall, including [the show’s androgynous, bubbly host].  Shortly after the news broke, he took to Twitter, saying: “Super pumped to hear [singer] is joining us in the fall!!!!” and “Luv u and can’t wait to C you on set!!! Going 2 b Epic!!

Terms of the star’s contract were not released, but there were rumors that she may be compensated as much as $15 million for her first year, with escalators in salary if she is asked to come back for future seasons. The salary does not account for her famous rider, which includes a request for brand new slippers, three bottles of Dom Perignon champagne, and 144 chocolate-dipped strawberries in her dressing room after every show. Also, the show promises to give [the singer] free publicity for her new album “[synonym for redemption],” due out early next year.