This is what happens when you start apologizing to the Arab world

By Nancy Muller

OMAHA- Should anyone be surprised at the outbreak of right-wing violence in the wake of President Obama's recent apology tour of the Middle East? Of course not, regardless of what filthy, pink surrendercrats would have you believe. See, the last remaining true patriots can see the writing on the wall: the days of rich, white males imposing their will on everyone else have gone the way of the dodo, but not every segment of the privileged class is ready to go gently into that good night.

Look at the outrage over 88 year-old James von Brunn's attack on Washington D.C.'s Holocaust Museum this week- many Americans are claiming to be shocked and appalled at von Brunn's actions, but right-wing anti-semitism is nothing new. These insane people can only be pushed so far before they snap, and judging by the spike in gun purchases after Obama's election, they don't have to be pushed very hard at all.

Really, an anti-semitic, failed artist grows frustrated, misplaces his anger, and lashes out violently at Judaism in its entirety? Stop me if you've heard this one before. Let's just say that A&E has already contacted the descendants of Leni Reifenstahl about the made-for-TV biopic debuting in February, 2010. Frankly, I'm not surprised that the French haven't started waiving a white flag, just to be certain that they don't miss an opportunity to surrender.

What made von Brunn lose his shit? Some people will blame senility, others will say that the was mimicking he graphic depictions of violence he saw on Matlock. But I think we all know the truth. With Obama in Egypt telling the Muslims that America is partially responsible for the problems in the Middle East, the fragile psyches of the pro-America nutjobs are getting shredded faster than the Incredible Hulk's shirtsleeves.

I know what you're thinking: shouldn't the anti-semites be happy that the United States is finally backing away from its unflinching support of Israel? And your argument makes sense, but for one crucial aspect- these people are crazy. You can't demand rational analysis from people who think the “lives” of embryonic stem cells are more valuable than the mentally retarded criminals they want to execute.

You see, not all schizos are the same. The garden variety schizo- terrified of the government, wearing an aluminum hat to keep the CIA from stealing his thoughts- gets a lot of attention in the media and the movies, but there are comparably insane people out there with a pro-government guiding principle. So what happens to these abstract-thought impaired freaks when the government changes its position on an issue? Total meltdown.

[RIGHT- You have nothing to fear, tinfoil hat guy. This administration means you no harm.]

Look at anti-abortion activists. A few years ago, the government was doing everything they could do to limit abortion- not giving family planning services to other countries, requiring parental notification to scare minors-, and the schizos were content to scream “Save your baby!” to every woman of any age in a 12 block radius of the abortion clinic. Now, the government has eased its doctrinal opposition to abortion, and the crazies don't know what to do, so they start going to churches to murder abortion doctors, because, you know, human life is precious and must be preserved.

One success for which Obama deserves credit is his ability to antagonize people with limit capability to retaliate. You know in high school when they tell you not to pick on a certain kid, because he will snap and do something crazy? The same principle applies in politics, but since everything you do is under a microscope, you're bound to aggravate some imbecile with everything you do. They key is to pick the right type of imbecile. Bush pissed off the people in a highly militarized and anarchical part of the world, and they were able to knock down the freaking World Trade Center. Obama pissed off some old guy who lives in a basement and writes a blog about how Jews run the government. His crazy reaction didn't involve hijacking a plane; he just went into a museum with guns blazing and got off exactly one shot before getting shot 8 times in the face. So if chickens were coming home to roost when von Brunn shot up the Holocaust Museum, at least it was an incredibly incompetent chicken.