RSVP to the Billy Mays Mighty Memorial Service and receive a free casket viewing!

By Billy Mays III

PO BOX 98442- Tired of going to funerals and memorial services and leaving more depressed than you were before? Fed up with the same old chorus of “Eagle’s Wings” and sermons about walking in Jesus’ footsteps? Well, have I got an offer for you! For a limited time only, RSVP to the Billy Mays Mighty Memorial Service and receive a free casket viewing! Call now, 1-888-BMDEATH; our operators are standing by!

You remember Billy as the charismatic pitchman for OxiClean, Gator Blade, Jupiter Jack, and dozens of other household necessities. And even though he recently passed away after suffering a massive heart attack, Billy has one more deal to pass your way, and you won’t want to miss out on this one!

Unlike other funerals that can be boring and drab, the Billy Mays Mighty Memorial Service promises to:

• Help with the grieving process!

• Reminisce on the reasons we all loved Billy!

• Get in touch with old friends and relatives!

• And, most of all- pay your last respects to a man who made life much easier.

Now, you might be thinking that you could attend any funeral and get the same experience, but the Billy Mays Might Memorial Service is much more than just a funeral. Included in the service will be a performance of Billy’s favorite gospel music by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and a sermon from the Reverend Al Sharpton- that’s right, Al Sharpton!

How much would you be willing to pay for this once in a lifetime opportunity- $400? $250? Not even close. RSVP today and your seat at the Billy Mays Mighty Memorial Service can be reserved for three easy suggested donations of $39.95 to the Malone Funeral Home in McKees Rocks, Pennsylvania to help the family pay the costs of the funeral. All major credit cards accepted. Make checks payable to Malone Funeral Home, LLC. Casseroles will be accepted at the potluck following the service. Shipping and handling not included.

Call now and we will throw in this commemorative Billy Mays engraved plate. These plates are hand-crafted out of the finest porcelain and individually numbered to ensure fine craftsmanship. Your plate will include a certificate of authenticity. The plate depicts Billy amped up higher than a meth addict who just got tasered, getting ready to sell a Steam Buddy- a can’t miss opportunity for Billy’s friends and family! Take advantage of this limited time offer today by calling, toll free, 1-888-BMDEATH to reserve your place today, and get a free Billy Mays commemorative engraved plate!

And that’s not all! Be one of the first 1,000 guests to RSVP to the Billy Mays Mighty Memorial Service and we will include a second Billy Mays Mighty Memorial Service free of charge! Have we gone mad out of grief? We must have to be offering two Billy Mays Mighty Memorial Services, an individual casket viewing, and a Billy Mays commemorative engraved plate for the low-low one time only price of three easy suggested donations of $39.95 and/or a casserole for the potluck. Call now! Operators are standing by at 1-888-BMDEATH!

When you RSVP to the Billy Mays Mighty Memorial Service, you’re not only doing something special for yourself and for the Mays family, you’re improving the entire direct-sales industry. That’s right, 20% of the profits from your purchase of a spot at the Billy Mays Mighty Memorial Service will go toward hiring the hooker who beat up the ShamWow guy to kick his ass again. You can be a part of history, folks, Vince Shlomi, ShamWow pitchman is about to get his ass whooped by a prostitute from Miami for a second time- and you can be part of it! 1-888-BMDEATH- your call can help get Vince Shlomi beat up! Call now!

[Narrator’s voice: To RSVP to the Billy Mays Mighty Memorial Service, call 1-888-BMDEATH to receive 2 Billy Mays Mighty Memorial Services, an individual casket viewing, and a Billy Mays commemorative engraved plate for three easy suggested donations of only $39.95. That’s 1-888-BMDEATH. Operators are standing by!]