Precocious Eight Year-Old Crushed to Learn That Politics Are Fake

WILMINGTON- Local eight year-old Danny Louder was devastated this week when his father revealed to him that the political shows he watches on television are all scripted and that national politics on the whole are a contrived form of entertainment. Danny’s father, Stephen Louder, became concerned about his son’s emotional state when Danny became extremely sad following the Senate’s vote against expanded background checks for potential gun owners. Rather than seeing his son suffer, Stephen decided to inform him that his interest is not as “real” as it purports to be in order to help him put the events into context, but the revelation only made Danny more upset.

Above- Danny became sullen and withdrawn when he
learned that politics are not real. 

Danny’s interest in politics started when he was six and he saw his father watching debates about health care on CNN. He was instantly drawn in by the passion with which the politicians delivered their speeches, as well as the tradition and pageantry that made everything involved in politics seem so important. He quickly gravitated toward MSNBC, watching Rachel Maddow nearly every night and rooting for his favorite politicians: Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, Wilmington’s Congressional Representative John Carney, and Delaware native Joe Biden. He rode an emotional roller coaster through the debt ceiling debates, a possible government shutdown, and the eventual sequester, but he was never disappointed because his preferred Democrats could always claim some degree of victory in the end.

Politics, of course, are a billion-dollar entertainment industry designed to help fund the government and create an emotional investment in the idea of a nation and its government. The storylines are loosely based on real-world events, but the dramatic machinations are created by “speechwriters,” many of whom are Hollywood producers and screenwriters taking on other jobs. The industry is funded by various news outlets who pay for the right to broadcast the lucrative programming, as well as corporate sponsors who underwrite the events in exchange for the exposure that comes with it.

“Danny got very passionate about gun control after the Sandy Hook tragedy, probably because he could identify with the kids who were shot,” Stephen told reporters after revealing the truth about politics to his son. “I thought that it would be comforting for him to know that the politicians on TV were not actually betraying him or the families at Sandy Hook, that they were just playing a part, but it only made him more upset to find out that his idols were faking it. I remember when my dad told me that politics were fake after the Dan Quayle-Lloyd Bentsen debate. I had an inkling that their debate was scripted because nobody could come up with lines like that off the cuff. Now when I watch it, it seems so obviously fake and scripted, but I guess that can be pretty jarring to learn when you don’t expect it.”

Danny is not the first person to be surprised to learn that politics are not as genuine as they purport to be. Historically, the secret about politics’ scripted outcomes was guarded much more closely by those involved. Politicians would stay in character all the time and would never acknowledge that the results were predetermined. As recently as the 1980s, investigative reporter John Stassel did a behind-the-scenes report on politics, accusing Senator Tip O’Neill of being a phony. O’Neill responded angrily by subpoenaing Stassel before a Senate Sub-Committee on Ethics, questioning him for hours on end, and giving him numerous psychological injuries.

There are also those who understand that the results are predetermined, but refuse to believe that politics are truly fake. Famed pundit James Carville is one such true believer. He famously  grew emotional during a question and answer session with retired politicians at the Tennessee State Democratic Convention in 2006, saying, “I just want to thank each and every one of you all for all you have done to your reputations… It’s still real to me, damnit! Thank you guys. You’re awesome. Thank you so much for saying what had to be said.” While Carville was lampooned by many in the media, there are a number of politics fans who share his opinions about their chosen form of entertainment.

As for Danny, it remains to be seen whether he will keep up his interest in politics once he comes to grips with the fact that the results are scripted. Typically, fans drift in one of two directions when they come to that realization. Some fans gradually lose interest and are only brought back in moments of sentimentality or nostalgia. Others become even more interested, focusing on the meta-narrative of how and why political developments are scripted the way they are by the writers. These political junkies tend to spend a great deal of time on internet message boards complaining about how their favorite politicians never get enough attention and the leading candidates are all boring.