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By Rafael Sturdevant
MOGADISHU- Public attention has been focused on civilian uprisings across the Middle East in recent weeks, but another news story has persisted in the region: Somali Pirates in the Gulf of Aden continue to attack ships and capture hostages to hold for ransom. While these attacks have been only moderately successful, perhaps the Pirates’ greatest success has been in avoiding the label “terrorist” from the American government. As long as they maintain the pirate moniker, they will likely remain free to plunder as much booty as they please.
Ever since the attacks of September 11, the application of the term “terrorist” to any person or political entity has been an essential death sentence. The name “pirate,” on the other hand, is more often associated terrible baseball teams and Halloween costumes, especially slutty ones. And even though the government’s official policy is to never negotiate with terrorists, its official policy toward pirates is to make fun of them and laugh.
The American public has a similarly light-hearted view of pirates. Most Americans have little knowledge of the Somali Pirates’ attacks. When asked for his reaction to the recent execution of four hostages by the Somali Pirates, Darren Grovsky, a factory worker from Dayton, Ohio responded, “What did they do, make them walk the plank?” He proceeded to high five a nearby white guy.
If the Somali Pirates truly want to be taken seriously, it will be crucial for them to do things that don’t seem so damn funny. The fact that their “pirate ships” look like chunks of flotsam that Cubans use to raft from Havana to Miami does not create the same terrifying imagery as the Jolly Roger. Moreover, their actions would not seem like such a joke if they started choosing hostages who
did not share names with correspondents from the Daily Show. When Americans hear that Rob Riggle was killed at sea, it is difficult to take the suggestion seriously.
MOGADISHU- Public attention has been focused on civilian uprisings across the Middle East in recent weeks, but another news story has persisted in the region: Somali Pirates in the Gulf of Aden continue to attack ships and capture hostages to hold for ransom. While these attacks have been only moderately successful, perhaps the Pirates’ greatest success has been in avoiding the label “terrorist” from the American government. As long as they maintain the pirate moniker, they will likely remain free to plunder as much booty as they please.
Ever since the attacks of September 11, the application of the term “terrorist” to any person or political entity has been an essential death sentence. The name “pirate,” on the other hand, is more often associated terrible baseball teams and Halloween costumes, especially slutty ones. And even though the government’s official policy is to never negotiate with terrorists, its official policy toward pirates is to make fun of them and laugh.
The American public has a similarly light-hearted view of pirates. Most Americans have little knowledge of the Somali Pirates’ attacks. When asked for his reaction to the recent execution of four hostages by the Somali Pirates, Darren Grovsky, a factory worker from Dayton, Ohio responded, “What did they do, make them walk the plank?” He proceeded to high five a nearby white guy.
If the Somali Pirates truly want to be taken seriously, it will be crucial for them to do things that don’t seem so damn funny. The fact that their “pirate ships” look like chunks of flotsam that Cubans use to raft from Havana to Miami does not create the same terrifying imagery as the Jolly Roger. Moreover, their actions would not seem like such a joke if they started choosing hostages who
did not share names with correspondents from the Daily Show. When Americans hear that Rob Riggle was killed at sea, it is difficult to take the suggestion seriously. [LEFT- These guys need to work on their costumes. They don't look anything like Captain Jack Sparrow from the movies.]
President Obama recently delivered a speech to the American people in which he urged the country to take the threat of Somali Pirates seriously. “These actions by the rebels in Somalia are uncalled for and extremely dangerous,” Obama snickered. “Continued behavior that goes against international law will not be tolerated… or we’ll make you swab the deck. I’m sorry, I just can’t take these guys seriously.” Obama then covered his face and turned away, and could be seen laughing so hard he almost started to cry.
While the benefit of being known as pirates rather than terrorists is probably responsible for the Somalis continued success, some of the pirates feel that they are not getting the respect they deserve. “I do not wear a skull-and-crossbones hat; I am a vicious killer who deserves recognition,” said Mohammad Hassan, the captain of a Somali Pirate ship with a crew of more than 10 men. “Do the Americans think that I am not evil enough? For Christ sakes, who does a guy need to kill to get carpet bombed these days?”
Nonetheless, the Somali Pirate craze has caught on in some unexpected ways. For instance, birthday party supplies with a Somali Pirate theme have been flying off the shelves of party stores nationwide. Sherri MacDougal, the mother of 8-year old Teddy Masterson-MacDougal, said she recently threw a Somali Pirate birthday party for her son, and it was a smash hit. “It was such a fun time! Instead of making pirate hats, all of the kids just wore blackface. We played ‘pin the machete on the sailor,’ and he kids sat in a circle for a game of ‘innocent civilian, innocent civilian, hostage.’ Everybody had a great time. I would definitely recommend it to a friend.”
As the threat of Somali Pirates remains problematic for American tourists in the horn of Africa, the American government has considered measures that would encourage civilians to undergo the appropriate threat assessment. Rejected ideas include a color-coded threat level for the area and educational brochures to be sent to anyone who buys plane tickets to Somalia. One idea that has gained some traction is simply rebranding the Somali Pirates with a more appropriate name. So far, the name with the most support has been Somali Seamen, because it sounds even funnier.
President Obama recently delivered a speech to the American people in which he urged the country to take the threat of Somali Pirates seriously. “These actions by the rebels in Somalia are uncalled for and extremely dangerous,” Obama snickered. “Continued behavior that goes against international law will not be tolerated… or we’ll make you swab the deck. I’m sorry, I just can’t take these guys seriously.” Obama then covered his face and turned away, and could be seen laughing so hard he almost started to cry.
While the benefit of being known as pirates rather than terrorists is probably responsible for the Somalis continued success, some of the pirates feel that they are not getting the respect they deserve. “I do not wear a skull-and-crossbones hat; I am a vicious killer who deserves recognition,” said Mohammad Hassan, the captain of a Somali Pirate ship with a crew of more than 10 men. “Do the Americans think that I am not evil enough? For Christ sakes, who does a guy need to kill to get carpet bombed these days?”
Nonetheless, the Somali Pirate craze has caught on in some unexpected ways. For instance, birthday party supplies with a Somali Pirate theme have been flying off the shelves of party stores nationwide. Sherri MacDougal, the mother of 8-year old Teddy Masterson-MacDougal, said she recently threw a Somali Pirate birthday party for her son, and it was a smash hit. “It was such a fun time! Instead of making pirate hats, all of the kids just wore blackface. We played ‘pin the machete on the sailor,’ and he kids sat in a circle for a game of ‘innocent civilian, innocent civilian, hostage.’ Everybody had a great time. I would definitely recommend it to a friend.”
As the threat of Somali Pirates remains problematic for American tourists in the horn of Africa, the American government has considered measures that would encourage civilians to undergo the appropriate threat assessment. Rejected ideas include a color-coded threat level for the area and educational brochures to be sent to anyone who buys plane tickets to Somalia. One idea that has gained some traction is simply rebranding the Somali Pirates with a more appropriate name. So far, the name with the most support has been Somali Seamen, because it sounds even funnier.
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