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HOLLYWOOD- ABC programming executives announced this week that they would double down on the success of their hit television show Dancing With the Stars with a new spinoff series called Dancing With the Jews. Rather than the washed-up C-listers on the comeback trail that populate the parent show’s cast, DWTJ will feature their bosses: entertainment executives, high-powered bankers and lawyers, and the occasional doctor.
Diehard fans of the show, while excited about the prospect of more ballroom glitz and glam, were understandably skeptical of the new format. “I know that DWTS is not just about dancing,” said longtime fan Susan McDermott of Cedar Falls, Iowa, “but it seems like they should be able to dance at least a little bit. I saw Buzz Aldrin stumble around on his fake knees in season six, but I’d say he was quite a bit better than the upright seizures that most of the Jew-dancers on the show’s debut.”
ABC executives were more optimistic about the success of the show. Paul Lee, Chairman of the ABC Entertainment Group said that the show, “captures the drama and the heartache that made DWTS such a big hit. Plus, we’ll still have the two gay English guys telling the dancers to smile more and ranting about body lines or some stupid shit like that. We think it will have most of the important elements of the original show.”[RIGHT- An advance clip of the new cast's advanced training techniques.]
Lee went on to say that DWTJ would have some added benefits over the original show. “On DWTS, there were always one or two competitors on the cast who were basically professional dancers before the came on the show. Kristie Yamaguchi was a figure skater, Nicole Scherzinger was a member of the Pussycat Dolls, Shawn Johnson was a gymnast- all of them had an unfair advantage going up against comedians who think that footwork consists of not tripping over a mic cord. At least on DWTJ, there will be some real drama, because nobody will be able to dance at all. It’s more of a fair playing field when everyone on the cast has the body rhythm of Sigmund Freud. And I mean Freud now, not when he was alive.”
Another side effect of the added programming for ABC is that it will help keep the brand viable without stretching DWTS too thin. Currently, DWTS airs for two hours, three nights each week. That programming includes two hours of new competition on Monday, a two-hour results show on Tuesday, and a two-hour reaction to the results show on Wednesday that does not include any actual dancing. More DWTS franchises would help alleviate the strain on ABC programming created by its post-writer strike lineup of shows that included Dirty Sexy Money, Pushing Daisies, and Samantha Who as its flagship shows. ABC also knows how to exploit a popular franchise to its benefit: recall that this network was able to stretch Who Wants to Be A Millionaire into a 10-night-a-week show during the height of Regis Philbin’s popularity.
Lee went on to say that DWTJ would have some added benefits over the original show. “On DWTS, there were always one or two competitors on the cast who were basically professional dancers before the came on the show. Kristie Yamaguchi was a figure skater, Nicole Scherzinger was a member of the Pussycat Dolls, Shawn Johnson was a gymnast- all of them had an unfair advantage going up against comedians who think that footwork consists of not tripping over a mic cord. At least on DWTJ, there will be some real drama, because nobody will be able to dance at all. It’s more of a fair playing field when everyone on the cast has the body rhythm of Sigmund Freud. And I mean Freud now, not when he was alive.”
Another side effect of the added programming for ABC is that it will help keep the brand viable without stretching DWTS too thin. Currently, DWTS airs for two hours, three nights each week. That programming includes two hours of new competition on Monday, a two-hour results show on Tuesday, and a two-hour reaction to the results show on Wednesday that does not include any actual dancing. More DWTS franchises would help alleviate the strain on ABC programming created by its post-writer strike lineup of shows that included Dirty Sexy Money, Pushing Daisies, and Samantha Who as its flagship shows. ABC also knows how to exploit a popular franchise to its benefit: recall that this network was able to stretch Who Wants to Be A Millionaire into a 10-night-a-week show during the height of Regis Philbin’s popularity.
ABC, of course, is owned by the Disney Corporation, a fact that influences the tone and tenor of much of the network’s programming. Some entertainment experts have wondered what the parent company would think of ABC cozying up to the Friends of Abraham. Disney famously ousted former CEO Michael Eisner several years ago for a combination of hurting the business and being Jewish. Founder Walt Disney was himself a dyed-in-the-wool anti-Semite who included anti-Semitic messages in several of his films (such as a cloud of dust that formed a swastika in Cinderella) and collaborated with Leni Riefenstahl on several of her early Nazi propaganda films. Company figurehead Mickey Mouse also had a famous meltdown on the set of Fantasia where he hurled an expletive-laden tantrum at a lighting operator who he called a “Jew bitch.” Company executives say that DWTJ is in line with the parent company’s principles because it is designed to humiliate Jews and profit from their failure, which were two of the company’s founding maxims.
[LEFT- A wartime photograph shows Mickey's true allegiance to Hitler.]
The new show will occupy the 9:30 to 10:30 timeslot, filling the timeslot vacated by the immediately canceled Jimmy Smits project “Outlaw,” where he played a conservative Supreme Court Justice who had a coming-to-God moment and left the bench to represent the poor and underrepresented members of society. If that’s the standard that ABC expects DWTJ to meet, then maybe the show will not be such a failure. It will also bump the first half-hour of Jimmy Kimmel Live, which comes as terrible news to the 8 employees of the show and both of its fans.
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