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By Dr. Andrew Burnett- Orlando Magic Team Physician
ORLANDO- Brain injuries have come to the forefront of the discussion of sports medicine in recent years due to several high-profile cases. Critics have speculated that Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, recently accused of his second act of sexual impropriety in as many years, may have suffered brain impairment from multiple concussions. Furthermore, former professional wrestler and Harvard graduate Christopher Nowinski has publicized the problem of brain injuries in pro wrestling and other combat sports. As a physician with an extensive background in sports medicine, I would like to weigh in on the debate, and my prescription is this: stop being such pussies.
The list of symptoms for traumatic brain injuries is allegedly extremely long. In addition to blurred vision, migraine headaches, difficulty focusing and prolonged dizziness, brain trauma can cause Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE). CTE supposedly prematurely ages the human brain while causing an inability to control impulses and is often acco
mpanied by retrograde amnesia. This is where the opponents of chronic brain injuries get into trouble, because retrograde amnesia is super cool. You get to meet new people every day, and you constantly get to have new adventures like the guy in Memento.
ORLANDO- Brain injuries have come to the forefront of the discussion of sports medicine in recent years due to several high-profile cases. Critics have speculated that Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, recently accused of his second act of sexual impropriety in as many years, may have suffered brain impairment from multiple concussions. Furthermore, former professional wrestler and Harvard graduate Christopher Nowinski has publicized the problem of brain injuries in pro wrestling and other combat sports. As a physician with an extensive background in sports medicine, I would like to weigh in on the debate, and my prescription is this: stop being such pussies.
The list of symptoms for traumatic brain injuries is allegedly extremely long. In addition to blurred vision, migraine headaches, difficulty focusing and prolonged dizziness, brain trauma can cause Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE). CTE supposedly prematurely ages the human brain while causing an inability to control impulses and is often acco
mpanied by retrograde amnesia. This is where the opponents of chronic brain injuries get into trouble, because retrograde amnesia is super cool. You get to meet new people every day, and you constantly get to have new adventures like the guy in Memento. [RIGHT- Owen Schmitt knows a thing or two about head injuries, and you dont' hear him whining about "protection" and "recovery time."]
Some people have said that Ben Roethlisberger was suffering from CTE when he allegedly assaulted a 20 year-old coed in the bathroom of a seedy Georgia bar last month. Roethlisberger’s defenders say that his constant lapses in judgment can be traced back to the fact that he has suffered multiple severe concussions on the football field. On the other hand, it also seems possible that he may not have the best judgment because nobody has told him he can’t do something since he was 15. Being a star quarterback from a young age has a shockingly stunting effect on social development, which may be why Roethlisberger’s main pickup line is unzipping his pants and slapping would-be mates with his flaccid penis. And while we’re on the subject, isn’t there a little chicken-egg situation here? Do football players act stupid because they have been hit in the head too many times, or is it a stupid type of person who chooses to make his living by cracking his skull against another idiot’s skull?
Chris Benoit is another supposed CTE sufferer. For those of you who have forgotten, Benoit was a famous professional wrestler who skipped a live event to stay home with his family and murder them. Shortly after, he was found dead, hanging from a lat pull-down machine in his garage. Some people blamed roid rage, some blamed a cocktail of painkillers and alcohol, and the medical community seemed united behind the idea that his brain injuries stunted his judgment. The medical examiner in the case said that Benoit’s brain resembled an 85 year-old brain with Alzheimer’s disease and traced the injury directly to his death. I have a problem with this line of analysis, because I can’t think of a single 85 year-old who has committed a double-murder suicide, let alone an 85 year-old with Alzheimer’s. Moreover, the medical examiner is overlooking
a simpler explanation for Benoit’s brain injuries besides getting hit in the head with a steel chair thousands of times- we have heard for decades about Dominican baseball players with forged birth certificates. Well, Benoit is from Canada, who is to say that he wasn’t actually an 85 year-old with Alzheimer’s?
Some people have said that Ben Roethlisberger was suffering from CTE when he allegedly assaulted a 20 year-old coed in the bathroom of a seedy Georgia bar last month. Roethlisberger’s defenders say that his constant lapses in judgment can be traced back to the fact that he has suffered multiple severe concussions on the football field. On the other hand, it also seems possible that he may not have the best judgment because nobody has told him he can’t do something since he was 15. Being a star quarterback from a young age has a shockingly stunting effect on social development, which may be why Roethlisberger’s main pickup line is unzipping his pants and slapping would-be mates with his flaccid penis. And while we’re on the subject, isn’t there a little chicken-egg situation here? Do football players act stupid because they have been hit in the head too many times, or is it a stupid type of person who chooses to make his living by cracking his skull against another idiot’s skull?
Chris Benoit is another supposed CTE sufferer. For those of you who have forgotten, Benoit was a famous professional wrestler who skipped a live event to stay home with his family and murder them. Shortly after, he was found dead, hanging from a lat pull-down machine in his garage. Some people blamed roid rage, some blamed a cocktail of painkillers and alcohol, and the medical community seemed united behind the idea that his brain injuries stunted his judgment. The medical examiner in the case said that Benoit’s brain resembled an 85 year-old brain with Alzheimer’s disease and traced the injury directly to his death. I have a problem with this line of analysis, because I can’t think of a single 85 year-old who has committed a double-murder suicide, let alone an 85 year-old with Alzheimer’s. Moreover, the medical examiner is overlooking
a simpler explanation for Benoit’s brain injuries besides getting hit in the head with a steel chair thousands of times- we have heard for decades about Dominican baseball players with forged birth certificates. Well, Benoit is from Canada, who is to say that he wasn’t actually an 85 year-old with Alzheimer’s? [LEFT- Phinneas Gage became a medical celebrity after surviving impalement on a railroad spike, and you mean to tell me that Trent Green can't play a game of football?]
In addition to the medical perspective, I wanted to be able to relay to you some of the input on the subject from the experts in the field. Therefore, I went to revered football coach and analyst John Madden for his take on the subject. Unfortunately, Madden’s response was complete gibberish. Nonetheless, I believe that I can paraphrase to you what Madden meant to say about head injuries- back in his day, players wore leather helmets, and getting knocked out just showed that you were emotionally weak. As such, players who suffered concussions were encouraged to rub some dirt on it and get back on the field to crack more skulls.
Another sport that gets a lot of attention for brain injuries is boxing. Muhammad Ali, the greatest boxer of all time and a famous ambassador for the sport, suffers from Parkinson’s disease which has rendered the once verbose pugilist functionally mute. Many naysayers have attributed his dementia to being punched in the head for decades, but has anyone considered that he just ran out of things to say? Ali talked so much during his career that it seems eminently plausible to me that he just doesn’t have anything left to add.
When it comes down to it, the entire hullabaloo about brain injuries sounds to me like unsubstantiated noise. It sounds good to say that we are worried about the health of professional athletes, but brains are really no more important than ACL’s or Achilles tendons, and nobody is whining about protecting those body parts. Such preference for one organ over another is blatant organism in my book, and I don’t stand for any ism. In the end, we all know that an athlete’s head could be lopped off on the field of play and everyone would keep shelling out money to see pro sports, so all of these brain trauma alarmists might as well stop being the turds in the punch bowl.
In addition to the medical perspective, I wanted to be able to relay to you some of the input on the subject from the experts in the field. Therefore, I went to revered football coach and analyst John Madden for his take on the subject. Unfortunately, Madden’s response was complete gibberish. Nonetheless, I believe that I can paraphrase to you what Madden meant to say about head injuries- back in his day, players wore leather helmets, and getting knocked out just showed that you were emotionally weak. As such, players who suffered concussions were encouraged to rub some dirt on it and get back on the field to crack more skulls.
Another sport that gets a lot of attention for brain injuries is boxing. Muhammad Ali, the greatest boxer of all time and a famous ambassador for the sport, suffers from Parkinson’s disease which has rendered the once verbose pugilist functionally mute. Many naysayers have attributed his dementia to being punched in the head for decades, but has anyone considered that he just ran out of things to say? Ali talked so much during his career that it seems eminently plausible to me that he just doesn’t have anything left to add.
When it comes down to it, the entire hullabaloo about brain injuries sounds to me like unsubstantiated noise. It sounds good to say that we are worried about the health of professional athletes, but brains are really no more important than ACL’s or Achilles tendons, and nobody is whining about protecting those body parts. Such preference for one organ over another is blatant organism in my book, and I don’t stand for any ism. In the end, we all know that an athlete’s head could be lopped off on the field of play and everyone would keep shelling out money to see pro sports, so all of these brain trauma alarmists might as well stop being the turds in the punch bowl.
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